your eyes remind me of the ocean.

a while ago, before any of this pain struck. i chose to do the ocean for my theme for photography. when ever i see the ocean, it reminds me of you. but, i don't care. i'm still doing the ocean, because you did make me happy.

boy, what have you done.

i cryed for the first time last night. the first time i've cryed about what you have done. do you ever stop and think what you have done?

i didn't deserve this.

the things you said to me, is what you say to her. the fact you can just walk away like nothing happened between me and you and then ignore me for two weeks is sick. what makes it worse is during those two weeks, you replaced me with her.

tonight, im sad.

she told me you like her and that she likes you too. i know exactly what you would say to her and exactly how you are making her feel. the worst part is, you lied when i asked you if you two had a thing. the worser part is, she told me before you did.

i miss you.

i miss staying at your house, i miss staying up until five oclock in the morning talking, i miss playing xbox with you, i miss getting high with you, i miss playing with dead birds while we are supose to be burying it, i miss making recordings, i miss liking the same things, i miss tackling people onto the staircases, i miss taking photos, i miss you looking after me while im sick, i miss chasing each other when we are both fucked off our faces, i miss watching fucked up videos with you, i miss walking the streets with you, i miss waking you up early hours of the morning because i was scared, i miss drawing funny pictures of each other, i miss finding secret places, i miss the waterfall we would take our toy soldiers for a swim in and photo shoots, i miss the night we got completely fucked, i miss our sayings, i miss taking the piss, i miss laughing at nothing, i miss agreeing to every insult we were given, i miss the weekend we went away, i miss being your best friend. most of all, i miss you.

who are we.

i helped you more than i could handle, but i didn't mind, because we had a best friend contract. i took comfort in having you all to myself. if a boy ever broke my heart, i knew i still had you that would love me un-conditionally. i used to look up too you, you were my idol. years have passed, and we both have changed. we used to be so tight, you still continue to call me your best friend, which sometimes i think is a lie. when you say 'best friends forever' i freak out and run a mile. thing is, you lied to me so much times in the past to the extent, i can't even breathe those words to you anymore. i'm sorry. i can't.

i can't explain this feeling.

i lost respect for the last person i could trust. the fact you could stare into my eyes and tell me you felt the same, and took it back the next day. the fact you promised me you would never ever hurt me, in anyway possible. the fact you can ignore me two weeks straight and then one day decide were still close. i can't get the image of the text you sent me once, saying feeling like this could ruin a lot, meaning our friendship. you didn't want to risk losing me, which i thought was sweet. but, after all of those messages i sent you, telling you how happy you made me, you blew it up in my face. i text you yesterday saying i have lost all respect for you, and that i could never trust you or anybody again. you text me back and said i was annoying. this is when it hit me. you are just another guy, well of course you were. you were all along, i only knew one side of you. i have deleted and burnt every thing that reminds me of you. during the last couple of weeks, trying to get over the fact that you aren't you anymore. i changed, my thoughts, my ways and i took comfort in the thought of not having anything to do with you anymore. i don't drink and haven't drunk alcohol to the extent of getting off my face to forget about you. i don't talk about my mates behind their backs, and if some one were to put any one of them down, i would stand up for them and have their back, i wouldn't sit there and take it like most people do, or go along with it. i genuinely care about the people i love, and i care about myself now, i used to think i was worthless and mad all the time, i used to think that i couldn't do anything. my group of friends are breaking apart, and i'm the only one who is trying to fix it. i was told not to worry anymore, that it was just a waste of time. but, yet, i'm still fighting for all of us. i don't and can't hate or dislike anybody anymore, when people dislike or hate me, i will find a way to fix it or i will just leave them. i take care of my friends when they are sick. i don't feel like i have to impress anybody anymore. the best part of feeling like this, is that i have me back and that's all i ever wanted. i have changed, for the good and i can be proud of myself for the first time in a long time.