this is it.

you've convinced yourself that i don't care. which probably means you've forgotten everything i've done for you. from going for walks so you could think and when the world isn't treating you right at the moment, to buying you unexpected gifts on special occasions. now, i know for a fact i don't mean as much to you, than you do to me. but, that doesn't count. you count, everything that we've done or said counts. it's been a fortnight and a bit now and i am starting to worry. i hate not knowing how you are, i hate the thought of being without you. some people say it's for the good, that i don't deserve the pathetic shit you put me through, which is true, but i am still here today right? this isn't as close to how much i care about you. in fact, i can't put it into words. you mean the world to me and i've showed you a billion times. how can you sit there and say to yourself that i don't care. i care about you, like your family does. i hope you're okay. i give up on trying to keep in contact with you, so i'm going to give you space. it's hard when nobody picks up the phone and when i don't get a text back from you. it's almost like you're gone, like you don't exist. please be okay, i am here for you. you know that i always will be.

venus and mars.

"he said you don't care about him." "you're joking, right?" "no, that's what he said." "he thinks i don't care? who the fuck walked all the way to his house on valentines day to give him a card and a proffesionally made cupcake that was fucking expensive with the first letter of his name on it. who went out of their way on a school night, to hang out with him and write him a huge letter for his birthday? who the fuck brought him things and told him not to pay them back because he was worth it. who the fuck fell in love with him when he didn't back?"

fuck fuck fuck.

there isn't much i can do anymore, a part of me is missing and you know exactly what it is and how to full it up. i have zero strength when i wake up, you're in my dreams every night and i can't get you out of my head. i can't take this anymore. being without you is so fucking rediculously hard.

"are you okay?"

i don't know what to say. you were one of my greatest friends once, and you were fucking amazing. i remember you saying you would never, ever date or have a thing with your friends ex's. i never knew you meant "i actually am going to have a thing with him, and make sure we aren't friends before so it isn't that bad." i also remember you saying that he would hurt me, you told me over and over. well, this is me telling you. good luck. i hope our friendship was worth it. you of all people i never would have thought would make me feel as empty as i do. if you get hurt, don't come running back to me.

it's hard letting go of something you once cared so much for.

i can't put into words how you made/make me feel. i will always remember you for doing everything with me. and i know you won't remember me and that breaks my heart. i don't know what life could be, would be without you. i guess it's time to start trying. because the more it drags on, the harder it's going to get. fuck, i'm going to miss you like fucking crazy. (i already do.)

"i am missing a part of me."

so, i am shocked and hurt by your recent actions. still, in the end? you gave me more than you took away. i love you, always okay?

young, tired, flaky.

i am excited about you.