last time lucky.

you have no idea how much you mean to me, do you? it's amazing, the things you do and say. the way you look into my eyes and the way you can say one thing and make it all better.  to know you generally care, makes me happier than ever. i love how you make plans and how you don't cancel for anybody. these years have been great, we haven't fought once. but last night.. i fell to my knees, i couldn't breathe, my heart condition was getting worse and what you said literally took my breath away. i curled up on the ground of my bedroom floor and just layed there. i couldn't cry, i couldn't smile. i never thought about how much it'd hurt losing you, over something so rediculous. after two hours of tears, you apologised and said you saw photos and that you missed me already. i still couldn't smile, this is the second time you've done this to me, two nights in a row, you have caused me this pain. i don't whether to believe you or what to say to you. but this your last chance. i'm only going to let you kill me once.

empty.

what do you do when you lose someone so close you could call them your brother? someone you are so comfortable with, that you could say anything and not care what they would think, do or say. how do you breathe? speak? or even function. i can't even smile, i won't smile until we are alright again.

28.09.08.

every night i remember that evening, the way you looked when you said you were leaving, the way you cried as you turned to walk away. the cruel words and the false accusations, the mad looks and the same old frustrations. i never thought that we’d throw it all away. i’m a little bit lost without you and i’m a bloody big mess inside. i’ve been lost, i've been out, i’ve been losing my mind,  i’ve been tired, i’m hurt and confused and i’ve been mad. i’ll come back fighting, i may be scared and a little frightened, but i'll miss you until you're here again.

i don't know anymore.

i still get butterflies when i think of you and the things we did. i still smile when i see photos or hear your name. it feels like yesterday i first saw you. everything you did or said, made me happy. you know that and you know you liked having me around too. i don't remember the last time we spoke and if some one were to even mention you, i wouldn't remember what you look like. it's been awhile since i've heard your voice and seen your face. it's like you don't exist anymore. i miss you more than ever. you used to make me whole. without you here, i feel like there is a part of me missing. i believe that if you were here, i wouldn't feel this empty. i wouldn't feel like this all of the time. so please, once again, save me. you have no idea how much you changed me, good ways and bad.

we drifted apart.

i fought and fought for your trust, i really did. i hate having a reason to say sorry, especially to you. and now we are distant. far from being each others favourites anymore. you were the light in my sky and i used to be too. but i did so many things to make you upset and mad, i regret every little thing i did or said to you. you know why? because after every body gave up, you fought for me. you fought for my happiness, which i soon recieved. now i blame you for my happiness, i thank you for every thing and i'm sorry we're just people we know, not love.

i give up.

so after all the un answered questions and all the ignoring? i give up. i refuse to waste another second of my time, thinking about you. i don't know how things became this way and i sure as hell don't know what i've done. but this is it. i'm saying goodbye. i'm deleteing your number and erasing you from my mind. good bye, my almost lover.

i'm gone.

i want you to know that it doesn't matter where we took that road, someone had to go. even with our fists held high, it never would have worked out right. i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. it's not that i wanted you to move on, but it was the best option. i never wanted you to leave and i didn't ever and have never ever regreted anything we shared and felt. looking at you makes it harder. and i know that you've found another, that doesn't try to take control and make you wanna cry. it started with the perfect kiss then, we could feel the poison set in. but, so called "perfect" couldn't keep this love alive. we were always meant to say goodbye.

lost.

part of being somebodies best friend is trusting and listening to what the say. your best friend is always right, they might tell you things you don't want to hear, but at the end of the day? they are right and all they are trying to do is to prevent you from getting hurt, all over again. so what ever you're doing and who ever you are going to end up with, that's fine. but when he hurts you to the extent of not wanting to live again? don't come running back to me, because i've tryed to help you more than enough times. you know, for once in a long time? i actually believed in you, i believed you could do this. obviously not.

hungover.

in the dark i can't fight it, i fake until i'm numb. but in the bright light, i taste you on my tongue. it's all over and every body went. i was left with myself and i wondered what went wrong. i could feel my heart breaking. broken, like the bottles on the floor. does it really matter? or am i just hung over you? even my dirty laundry, everything just smells like you. my head is throbbing, every song is out of tune, just like you. in the dark i can't fight it until it disappears. but, in the daylight. i taste you in my tears. i'm a mess, alone, here at the end, i put up my fight - this is it this time, because i'm here at the end and i'm trying to pretend. it doesn't really matter, i'm over you.

distraction.

you skipped school today to be with me. we watched a movie and cuddled on the couch. every time you spoke to me, you would look me deep in the eyes. i couldn't hold on, looking back into your amazing blue eyes, your eyes are a distraction to my lips. i can bearly talk to you when you look at me as deep as you did. i'm sorry, i'd  love to stare like you do, but you lose me. you tie my tummy in a knot. you make me smile, ten times more than i want too.

wanna play a game? it goes like this:

you play around, you have fun, you share secrets, you tell stories, you cry on each others shoulders, you hold hands, you think about forever. but, you don't fall in love. because the first one who does? loses.

but thank you.

we used to be tight, right as the rain. since that night no other night has been the same. it's fair to say you're not right in the brain, like poison put right to the vein.

your body is a wonderland.

we've got the afternoon. we've got this room for two. one thing left to do, discover me, discovering you. one mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain. one pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue. and if you want love? we'll make it. swim in a deep sea of blankets. take all your big plans and break them. your body is a wonderland. something about the way your hair falls in your face. baby, you frustrate me, i know you're mine, but you look so good it hurts sometimes.

we can go nowhere but up.

it's a big world, it's easy to get lost in it.  you've always been there and i'm not ready to say goodbye. we can make the sun shine in the moon light, we can make the grey clouds to the blue skies. baby, believe me, that we can't go nowhere but up.  we'll take it to the sky, pass the moon, to the galaxy, as long as you're with me baby.

overboard.

it feels like we've been out at sea. so back and forth that's how it seems. when i want to talk, you say to me "it it's meant to be, it'll be." you've got me out here in the water and i'm overboard and i need your love, to pull me up. i can't swim on my own, it's too much. feels like i'm drowning without your love, so throw yourself out to me, my life saver.

now i see.

people have scars. in all sorts of unexpected places. like secret road maps of their personal histories. diagrams of all their old wounds. most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. but some of them don't. some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

risk everything.

"do you think you could see yourself with her?" "well, yeah, i could. but we are so close, i just couldn't ruin a friendship that is so amazing." "but being in a relationship with someone you're close with, can build your friendship and you can share everything with them." "i just don't want to risk it."

i'm gone.

i don't remember how you used to be, i don't remember who you are now. i don't remember your voice. i don't remember the feeling you gave me. i don't remember your smile, your face, or even your eyes. i don't remember the way you treated me and i don't remember you caring. i'm starting to forget, and maybe this is the best thing for me, but maybe it's not.

you and me.

what day is it? and in what month? this clock never seemed so alive. i can't keep up and i can't back down. i've been losing so much time. it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose. i can't keep my eyes off of you. one of the things that i want to say just aren't coming out right. i'm tripping on words, you've got my head spinning. i don't know where to go from here. there's something about you i can't quite quite figure out. everything you do is amazing, everything you do is right.

fallen.

"you don't mean nothing, i don't want you, i don't need you, never loved you. you're nobody you'll never make it, you're a mistake."

how do you sleep?

it's been about a year now, i've not seen or heard from you, i've been missing you crazy. i'm here, wishing i had more time with you, eight days wasn't long enough to get to know some body. but something about you, took my breathe away. all the things we thought about, then now? will never happen. if i could just see you. if i had my way, i'd come and see you. i'd travel the world like you do, just for you. and i know i don't mean this much to you, but i saw you differently to others. how do you sleep?

drowning.

it's been about three months now and i'm trying to figure out how could you? forget about who loves you the most, why would you? heal my heart, heal my brain, oh how i wish you could feel my pain.  i couldn't get you off my mind if i tried. 24/7, 365. my night's are so cold, my day's are so long. they say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. thinking about how much i miss it and miss you. you're steady walking around like i never existed. it's hard to understand, you've gotta another plan. you're amazing and it's time that you know it. so much love and it's time that i show it.