Saturday, November 13, 2010

please don't let me go - olly murs. (this reminds me of you.)

where do I begin? should i tell you how bad i need you now? you're underneath my skin. but i'm confused. my head is spinning all around. i've waited so long, i need to know. darling what is on your mind, normally i try to run and i might even want to hide, because i never knew what i wanted until i looked into your eyes. so am i in this alone? what i'm looking for is a sign, that you feel how i feel for you. baby please don't let me go.

i miss who i thought you were.

i was looking at the photo's of the night we met, when you introduced you to your family straight away, showed me around your house and property. the night we had our first kiss. we were both really drunk and we really liked each other and then when we ended up together, the day we made it official, you fucked your ex. i forgave you, because you just ended it with her and i didn't think much of it because we only just started having a 'thing.' the next week, you were with her, and that day? she showed me texts what you sent her the day before. that you still loved her, and you miss her. once again, i forgave you. you did more things during the weeks we were together. you ended it before i could. you fucked me over so bad. but, yet, i miss you like crazy. i miss who i thought you were.

Friday, November 12, 2010

my best friend?

do you remember when your ex stole you away from me. i never saw you, it was never me and you. we forgot what it was like to be friends, what we used to do. we forgot what each other looked like once. we were tight, so fucking tight it was crazy. i tell you everything, you know i do. do you remember when you chose him over me? do you remember how long we weren't back to normal for? i do. and i remember when you left me, for him. and when he fucked you over and he treated you like shit, you came back, hoping i'd be your home again. do you remember my reaction? i wrote about it while it was happening, i showed you what i had written and you cried. you told me you miss me and we were back to normal. we were happy for ages, you and i, me and you. that's all it was. having the times of our fucking lives. it was great finally having you back. now? you're with someone else. who makes you incredibly happy, i think he's great and i trust him too. we are the three amegos and i love it. but, it's starting all over again and i don't want it too. please, don't leave me astray. not again. i love you so fucking much.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

i was wrong.

do you remember getting a text from me atleast once a week telling you how much you meant to me? that i loved you? that you were the only person i wanted? do you remember doing everything possible with me? i do. i remember sharing all of me with you. i remember letting myself be used by you, i'd drown in your flowery words. you would say the right thing always to make me fall a little more for you every time. you'd keep me on the side line, when no girl would give you what you wanted, you knew i'd be there every single time. you came back every time. but at the time? i didn't know what you were doing, i thought you felt the same. but i was stupid. so wrong, so thoughtless. every thing you did, and are doing, i've realised. not now though, i realised ages ago, i didn't let it get to me, because you were my everything. but now? i cannot see myself forgiving you for what you've done. you've fucked me over for the last time and least do you know, what happened when i stayed last time, was the last of me you'll ever get. i'll fucking miss you. but i'll never fucking forgive you. i never loved you, i just thought i did.

tiffany fucking heyworth.

everything you do, makes my day. everything you say, takes me breath away. there is nothing or nobody who could ever replace who you are, and always have been. my good friend, my sister, my other half. i love you to the stars and back. i couldn't picture my life without you. you're a huge part of me now and always will be. i love you tiffany. my mother fuckin' amazing sister.

Monday, November 8, 2010

live without me.

we touch, i feel a rush. frozen as snow, i show no emotion what'so ever. it's like an explosion every time you hold me. i wasn't joking when i told you - you take my breath away, you're a supernova. i'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon, and i'm aiming right at you. i'll do whatever it takes, when i'm with you, i get the shakes. my body aches when i'm not with you, i have zero strength. there's no limit on how far  i would go, no boundaries, no lengths. but so much is at stake, what does it take, let's cut to the chase before the door shuts in your face. promise me if i cave in and break, and leave myself open that i won't be making a mistake. so after three years and nine months, you give up on me. i love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once. i poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to god, i'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms. drop to my knees and i'm pleading, i'm trying to stop you from leaving. i can't let you walk out on me and let you live. i'd drop everything, with tears streaming down my face and i would say.. i would've did anything for you to show you how much i adored you, but it's over now, just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star, my fallen angel.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

this is it.

you've convinced yourself that i don't care. which probably means you've forgotten everything i've done for you. from going for walks so you could think and when the world isn't treating you right at the moment, to buying you unexpected gifts on special occasions. now, i know for a fact i don't mean as much to you, than you do to me. but, that doesn't count. you count, everything that we've done or said counts. it's been a fortnight and a bit now and i am starting to worry. i hate not knowing how you are, i hate the thought of being without you. some people say it's for the good, that i don't deserve the pathetic shit you put me through, which is true, but i am still here today right? this isn't as close to how much i care about you. in fact, i can't put it into words. you mean the world to me and i've showed you a billion times. how can you sit there and say to yourself that i don't care. i care about you, like your family does. i hope you're okay. i give up on trying to keep in contact with you, so i'm going to give you space. it's hard when nobody picks up the phone and when i don't get a text back from you. it's almost like you're gone, like you don't exist. please be okay, i am here for you. you know that i always will be.

venus and mars.

"he said you don't care about him." "you're joking, right?" "no, that's what he said." "he thinks i don't care? who the fuck walked all the way to his house on valentines day to give him a card and a proffesionally made cupcake that was fucking expensive with the first letter of his name on it. who went out of their way on a school night, to hang out with him and write him a huge letter for his birthday? who the fuck brought him things and told him not to pay them back because he was worth it. who the fuck fell in love with him when he didn't back?"

Friday, November 5, 2010

fuck fuck fuck.

there isn't much i can do anymore, a part of me is missing and you know exactly what it is and how to full it up. i have zero strength when i wake up, you're in my dreams every night and i can't get you out of my head. i can't take this anymore. being without you is so fucking rediculously hard.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

"are you okay?"

i don't know what to say. you were one of my greatest friends once, and you were fucking amazing. i remember you saying you would never, ever date or have a thing with your friends ex's. i never knew you meant "i actually am going to have a thing with him, and make sure we aren't friends before so it isn't that bad." i also remember you saying that he would hurt me, you told me over and over. well, this is me telling you. good luck. i hope our friendship was worth it. you of all people i never would have thought would make me feel as empty as i do. if you get hurt, don't come running back to me.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

it's hard letting go of something you once cared so much for.

i can't put into words how you made/make me feel. i will always remember you for doing everything with me. and i know you won't remember me and that breaks my heart. i don't know what life could be, would be without you. i guess it's time to start trying. because the more it drags on, the harder it's going to get. fuck, i'm going to miss you like fucking crazy. (i already do.)

Monday, November 1, 2010

"i am missing a part of me."

so, i am shocked and hurt by your recent actions. still, in the end? you gave me more than you took away. i love you, always okay?

young, tired, flaky.

i am excited about you.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

leave me the fuck alone.

we're only young. i can do what the fuck i want. for once, i have no drama's in my life and i don't need bitch's shit. so fuck off if you're going to come bitch to me about somebody because i'll just shut your black arse up. we're only young. it's better to do everything you want, when you want to do it. then not doing it wishing you did. so fuck off. this is my life and you don't tell me what to do. fucking fat bitch.

Friday, October 29, 2010

fuck you.

i fucking hate myself for loving you. this feeling will never go away and that makes me so fucking mad. i did everything for you, i went out of my way and canceled plans for you. i would wake up at any time of the night or morning for you, make you things on special public holidays, i tried to prove myself to you for so fucking long and you still don't get it. you fucking used me so much, but i loved you. yes, LOVED. i fucking loved you. i don't love you anymore, but apart of my heart always will. because you were my first fucking everything. the last thing you said to me was 'you can trust me.' i cant trust you! i will never trust you again, i will never fall for your flower talk again. it's not fair, you're not fair. i fucking miss you and i fucking wish things could be better. but you have clearly made your decision. you can ignore me all you want now, because i won't be here to ignore anymore. you're fucking amazing, and i can't make up my mind. why did you, why are you doing this to me! i'll miss you. this is good bye. i don't see the good in it though. maybe, this will change me. meeting you changed me. i wonder if saying good bye can too.


so the next one came along with a bag of treats, he smelled like
sugar and spoke like the sea. he said don't trust them, trust me.
then he pulled at my stitches one by one, looked at my insides
clicking his tongue and said "this will all have to come undone."
a triangle trying to squeeze through a circle. he tried to blunt me
so i'd fit. doesn't that sound familiar? doesn't that hit too close to
home? doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have
gone? doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
and so that do remember to never go that far, could you leave
me with a scar? i think i realized just in time, although my old self
was hard to find. you can bathe me in your finest wine, but i'll
never give you mine. because i'm a little bit tired of fearing that
i'll be the bad fruit nobody buys. tell me, did you think we'd
all dream the same?

he is we.

broken glass and a pretty face. silent mourn, full of hate. quiet face, silent mourn. screaming for consequence, pleading for more.

i'll give you this.

look at me now, take a look at what i've become. look how much i've changed. look how i learnt from my mistakes (you). don't thank yourself that i'm finally someone. you taught me something, i'll give you that.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

"i like you.."

don't sit there and tell me you like me and then the next minute insult me like i was the one who did something wrong. don't fucking pin this on me. i like you too. so don't make this any fucking harder for me. please.

we could have made it.

we hardly knew each other. we both knew that things wouldn't work. you couldn't commit to anything or anyone. we were only together for two weeks and you did four different things that tore me to pieces every time. but, as i do. i forgive, i always do. we stopped seeing each other because feelings went, although you were the second person i've slept with. it's hard sometimes. i used to think and make sure it meant something, but with you? you were heartless. i didn't know you were using me from the start, just because me and her were mates, doesn't mean it'd hurt her. we only knew each other, we weren't even friends. you are heartless and i miss you like crazy. which sometimes makes me sick and sometimes makes me cry. were friends, were not, were friends, were not. you're so confusing. your eyes locked with mine today, mine left yours first today. your always leave first, like you don't even care. but today? you gave me the heebjeebies. it was the same feeling you gave me the first time i layed eyes on you. your smile today, meant something. and i fucking miss you more and i hate myself for it.

you are fucking beautiful.

i remember when it was just you and me. we would play in the daisy fields and take photo's every day. we'd stay up to rediculous hours of the morning, talking about absolute bullshit. we were so close, you were my best friend, but i wasn't yours. we had/have the most amazing friendship. stay happy, who gives a shit what people say, you're fucking beautiful and you know it. i'm so glad we're as close as we used to be. i've missed you so much and i'm so excited to spend a lot of this summer with you. i love you lil' red.



this is the last time.

i won't let you walk all over me. let you get what you want when you're drunk and when i am too. i can control myself, you? you're just another story.

what'd i think about all the time before i met you?

i remember the day we first ever made eye contact, i remember the tingly feeling and the butterflies that shot into my body and i could feel them spreading through my body, making me knees weak and my heart skip a beat. i remember first wrapping my arms around you and i remember you changing my life. what ever happened to that feeling?

Monday, October 25, 2010

faith johanna claessens.

i look at you, and i feel home. we fight, we fight, we fight. then we're happy, happy, happy. i can say anything to you, i can tell you anything and you will know exactly what i'm talking about. i know every single spec about you and likewise. you're like my sister, really. you have never stopped being the one who's always there, you've stuck to our promise. you never broke it and neither did i. i never want to lose you, ever. you are a huge part of me and you are so important. i seriously can't imagine life without you. i love you faith, so much, thank you for every single thing you've done for me. you are fucking amazing and a definite best friend.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

fucking liar.

you pushed me into the laundry room and shut the door. you put your hands on my face and started kissing me, you pushed me against the wall. i pushed you away and i told you to stop. you kept talking flowery, and you know exactly what to say to make me change my mind. you asked me what's wrong. "you only invite me over to your house when you want something, you only invite me because you know what to say to me to make me want you. you only invited me tonight because you were drinking and you knew something could happen between me and you. you're using me, i know you are. i'm sick of being used, really, i'm getting tired of it, i never used to care because it was you and i thought i loved you. but i don't feel like that anymore and i don't want to feel like your booty call when you mean so much more to me and i mean nothing to you." i replyed. "i text you all the time, you are like the only girl i talk to the most, i talk to you every day, i always ask you if you want to hang out, if you want to come over for movies and if i can come over. i'm not using you, why do you think i invite you to all of this shit just for getting you out of your clothes, i actually like spending time with you. i ask to hang out with you, because i want to hang out with you, not because i want to get in your pants. you need to realise i'm a better person than you think i am." you answered. that night, of course, we ended up doing everything again, but we talked heaps too. you came in from being with your friends when i was checking my text messages, you took my phone out of my hand, threw it on the ground, pushed me onto the bed and held me, you didn't let go, but one of your drunk friends came in and pulled you off the bed. you went out and i stayed in the room, you came back in and layed down with me. i traced the outlines of your veins and your scars, i felt your piercings and asked how you got all of these scars, you told me the story behind most of them, but your speech was just a blur, but i could still understand just slightly. you told me you were going for a walk with the boys, you left and i fell asleep. i woke up, got a drink and changed beds, i went into the spare room and slept in there. i woke up early in the morning after an all nighter that i just about concered and went home. this was last sunday, and that last thing you said to me was that you were going for a walk. now, what's wrong with this ending, read what you said at the start and read what has happened now. how come you haven't spoken to me? what's different about this ending. you tell me.

Friday, October 22, 2010

like i said.

i don't know how you feel or what you've been through. in fact, i'm not even a part of your life anymore. which is your decision, and i understand that you'd never forgive me for what i've done. but, i still find time in my day to read every single one of your blogs i haven't read yet. sometimes, i read over them more than once. reading these blogs of yours, makes me want to feel your pain with you so i know how to help you. stupid? i guess so. i don't know anymore. but the words i've read of yours lately, during these past two weeks, it seems to me like you're struggling and losing your best friend at the same time isn't the best, especially when she's the only one you need at the moment. i can see your pain, i know you're not okay. i want to help, and i want you to be happy. i don't want you to just smile, i want you to feel like you're completely alive, without drugs and alcohol. i hope you can get better and feel okay soon. i want to help, but i understand that you wouldn't want me to. even if helping was trying to take your mind off things. i'm here, like i said.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

over it.

it's your birthday this weekend. i know you're expecting a text from me. stop. think. you can't just sit there thinking i'll let you walk all over me one more time. i don't miss you anymore. i don't wish you lived around the corner anymore and i won't put up with you trying to find an excuse to hate me, like you do every time you leave. it's fucking pathetic. over it. moving on. ta-ta. for now.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


i remember promising your girlfriend/my friend, that we would only ever be/stay friends. you see, i have a tendancy of breaking promises. but there was a huge reason it was broken, you would help me with things that made me upset, you put a smile on my face. there was a point where your girlfriend stopped us from being friends, it really sucked. i remember trying to hide from her, i remember trying to be friends behind her back, which was probably worse than breaking my first promise. during the time we 'weren't friends' you told me what she had done, that she had come over to your house and had got you kicked out. you then told me it was your birthday the following week. i said 'i would text you, but i can't, i was told to delete your number.' you smiled and said goodbye. that night, your ex girlfriend popped up in chat, turns out it wasn't her, it was you. you wanted my number. during the week until your birthday, we would text each every now and then. you invited me to your birthday drinks. me and a couple of mates came along. seeing you, your face, your smile, gave me the heebijeebies. by the end of the night, you and i were in your bedroom, holding hands and kissing. after that night, we spoke for ages. we were both happy, we both ended up liking each other. one night, i ditched my friends for you. (which was really low.) but i needed to see you. we spent the night in each others arms in your mates shed, we shared a couch and a blanket. (although you stole it off me the whole night and i froze to death.) your ex girlfriend tryed scaring me, it worked, i thought she could have killed me that night. but she left, and then it was alright. i woke up to your face, you had forgotten i was with you, because you were the drunk the night before, but you were really happy you woke up next to me. you said yourself and i agreed, that we were now together. we were together for three weeks, during these three weeks, you fucked me over three times but i still decided to take you back, because were weren't going out and because they weren't that big. you invited me over one morning. (kissing lead to more, but keeping blogspot pg.) that night you ended it with me, for good. you told me you couldn't be with someone right now because of everything that was going on, you had to pay fines and you wouldn't be able to see me much. the next week came and you were already with someone else. when i found out, i had to catch my breath. had i done something? i asked myself. turns out you were just using me. the worst bit, is that my friends told you to tell me that. anyway, it's about a month since i was with you. i miss you like crazy, maybe because you the second person i'd shared everything with. i've been told to get over you countless times, which i am, i just miss you that's all. and i know that this is all my fault, i wasn't your type. i'm sorry. please forgive me. i just want us to be okay, all over again. i miss you like crazy.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

everything, put into words.

about a month ago, i was told to leave home and never come back, a day after the person i liked left me. also a day after i lost my two best friends. so i did what i was told, and left. i cryed for days, praying that somebody could help me, that somebody was there to talk too. and in the end, no body was. i just had to pull myself together. i lived with my father, whilst my mother was having a break from me. every morning, i got ready for school, he'd drop me off and leave. as soon as he'd drop me off, i'd walk to the nearest bus stop and catch a bus into town. in town every day i'd either look for a job or take photo's for my photography, which is what i do to take my mind off things. a week later, i came home from school one day, a.k.a town. dad sat me down, and spoke to me about school. he pulled out of his back pocket a piece of paper with my attendance on it, he asked me where i had been for the last month, i told him i'd been at school, which mostly i was. but one week, i didn't go because i couldn't stand being somewhere that is going to upset me as much as i already was. he asked me what was wrong, but i said nothing. i couldn't tell my father what was wrong, i couldn't tell him why i hadn't been at school. why i'm putting my future at risk. he told me that he would get attendance printed out every week from school, and make sure i'm at school. the month i stayed at my fathers changed me. i went from sleeping in, sitting on the couch all day, watching movies all night, and so on. now i have a job and i can't stand sitting down watching television during the day when i can be out in the sun, i can't stand sleeping in because i feel as if i'm wasting the day, i'd watch one movie occasionally, and go to bed early. my mother called me a month later after telling me to leave, saying she misses me and that her home would always be mine too. a week later, i was allowed back at my mothers. a couple of days after that, after searching for a job, i finally got one. my mother and father were proud. one of my best friends text me saying she missed me, saying that she wants to stop fighting. my other best friend did the same. we are all back to normal, the three of us. the guy who left me, now hangs out with my mates, which is alright. i mean i have no say in the matter, but it still upsets me. i get told to get over him, which i am, so many times a day. when they sit there with him, smoking weed and drinking alcohol. thinking to themselves that i can get over someone who has taken over my place in our group of friends. i'm not invited to any group occasions anymore, i ended a friendship with one of my close friends because i knew all along that she has been bitching about all of my mates and that she was two faced. i told my group i didn't want to hang out with them anymore, because heaps of stuff is turned on me. the guy that left me has stirred shit between me and some people. one of my best friends texts him all of the time, after telling me not to text her ex. i lost a childhood friend the other day because i was at a boys house, a boy she hated. a boy i was only just visiting, she took it out of proportion and got all immature about it. i used to steal from my mother and lie to all of my friends. i don't remember the last time i stole or lied to either and i know there will never, ever be another time. if my friends bitch about my other friends, i stick up for them. i don't let my mates put anybody down that i'm friends with. i don't trust any boy anymore, i can't bring myself to even think about liking any boy. a boy i've had a small thing for, for ages told me he that we should try, but i said no, because of what boys have done to me in the past. i don't have a best friend anymore, i hardly talk to the friends i used to hang out with anymore. only on rare occasions. i'm starting to keep in contact with friends from last year. people tell me stop thinking about the guy who left me, how do you stop thinking about someone you cared about so much, that they were your second you know what. i've decided at the end of the year, i'm going to have a party to celebrate my happiness, because i know that at the end of the year, i will be happy. because i know for a fact, i'm changing and have changed and that nothing is going to stop me from being happy and nothing will make me upset. thats everything on my mind at the moment. i just needed to write it down somewhere.

dear blogger.

i love writing blogs. but every thing i feel right now, i cannot put in words. a lot has happened, and i want to write it down, because that's the main purpose i write blogs. it makes me feel better, i guess i don't feel better because i haven't let anything out. i just can't put anything into words anymore. these feelings are undescribable. really.

discover me, discovering you.

lately, i've been having insomnia and waking up early. thinking about you mostly, my tummy is a tied in a knot. this is my fault, (it always is). i miss you and i want you in my heart again. i want to share my secrets and stories, i want to hear about your adventures, i want to know how you are. i can picture your face if you ever read this, which makes me nervous. the idea of life without you, i don't know.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

through good and bad.

from the little insults you give me, to the deep ful conversations we have. every little moment spent with you, every little thing you say makes me laugh, every little thing about you, i love. my dear friend, the closest thing to a sister, you are my favourite. i can't picture my life with out you, please, never leave.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


You're so hypnotising. Your touch is magnetizing. Feels like going floating, leave my body glowing. They say be afraid. You're not like the others, different DNA, they dont understand you. You're from a whole other world, a different dimension. You open my eyes and im ready to go, lead me into the light. kiss me, infect me with your love, and fill me with your poison. Take me, wanna be your victim, ready for abduction. Boy, you're an alien, your touch so far away, its supernatural, extraterrestrial. You're so super sonic, wanna feel your powers, stumb me with your lasers. Your kiss is cosmic, every move is magic.

Monday, September 6, 2010

i like you.

i remember you, murmuring sweet nonsense to me, the way you took me in with your eyes, it was like you were looking for something somewhere in me. i couldn't hear myself think, the humming of my heart took over my thoughts. drunken, so crazed, you grabbed my hand. lying in your arms, hoping your hands would never leave me.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


1am, alone in my bed, thinking about you. the lights are too bright, no music, still there you are. we are crossing lines, left and right, and i feel so young and silly cause i just want to hold your hand. we creep towards closeness and it feels good. i give myself full license to think about you and it's the perfect combination. i think that we may never even kiss again, but just get closer and closer to the moment.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

you are beautiful.

my brain reaches out towards you, reaches for you, wraps itself around your boney edges and contours. can you take this seriously? want to team up and catastrophic fights and easy laughter, and flushed excitement. we can go to bed fiercly serious or ridiculously silly, our bodies so obviously ill-suited for each other. OR - we can be friends, keep teaching each other what it means to be from totally different places. keep reaching toward something imagined, a better world or a perfect colour. i am touched by your simple and generous consideration sometimes, something as small as 'how was your day?' plus you're beautiful. do people tell you that? your ex girlfriends for example? the way you move is amazing. the lines of your body and the creases in cheeks when you smile. are you blushing yet?

Friday, September 3, 2010

you're not who i thought you were.

i hear every thing you say to all of my other friends. when you tell me they say stuff about me? they swear on lives the didn't. everything goes with your plans, i never get to do anything i want or need. if i want to do something, i have to pay you or buy you something. you sit there saying stuff about everyone of my mates and i'm not going to take it anymore, as much as i sit there denieing everything you say and to stop saying stuff? you keep doing it. and although you talk about these people behind there backs and can still be all sweet to their faces? really disgusts me. it makes me think what you say about me? you know what? you are EXACTLY like her.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

i want my brother back.

when we were closer than we usually were, you taught me a lot. that the one person that you could always come to, always count on and can always trust, is just a big let down. from the start? he was just like all of the rest of them. just another boy. that he was being somebody he wasn't. and of all people, you thought if that could ever happen, you'd be the first to realise. turns out, you weren't you. you were someone i thought you would never be. turns out, he wasn't how you thought he was from the start. he didn't really care what you had to say, he didn't take it in and feel your pain with you, he didn't want to help, but he had to listen. i like the fake you, not the real you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

what are you getting at?

the boy you have been in love with for years, is blatantly still in love with you but is doing the same as his cousin. wanting to get over you by getting with all of these girls. saying hurtful things to push you further away, and then a couple of days later telling you he didn't mean it. telling me he still misses you. he smiled when he saw you today. i know you don't want to be with him because of what he's done, but you want to be with him for who he used to be and what he used to treat you like. you still love him and always will. i was texting one of his mates, we were trying to sort things out between yous two and turn it around and think that i'm texting up his mate who you claim to have a thing for? that's not fair? you dibs all of these people and expect me not text anyone? i know it might sound a bit dodge, but seriously. you can't say you want all of them at the same time and get mad at me if i text one, i'm texting him, not texting him up. fuck. get over it. even if i did like him, or will end up liking him. i'm your best friend, you should accept that i'm happy?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

butterflies in my tummy.

i write about everything on my mind. what makes me mad, upset. most of all, happy. you make me happy. when i first layed eyes on you, i swear i fell in love.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

i am missing a part of me.

nobody gets over the fact people change. people accept it, people move on, but i'm one of those people who don't. i miss how close we used to be and how we would both understand every bit of what we said. i could never, ever picture us so distant from each other and never really wanted too. i guess this is what it feels like, to lose a part of you. a part of you, you could once call home. most of it i blame on myself. "we could never be like that, it would ruin everything." i should have listened to you, you should have too. you messed with my mind for weeks, and although we both knew what we were doing was wrong, we both didn't think to stop it. we are both to blame, but i don't recall being the one who ended every thing after a night spent together. losing a part of me has changed a lot, i don't trust anybody anymore and now there is a wall around my heart. i miss you my brother, but things have changed. the worst bit is, you have too. it's like you don't exist anymore, and for me? it's the hardest thing to get over. i'll miss you, for who you used to be. not who you're trying to be.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

laura laura laura.

the fact we don't get sick of each other. the fact we make awkward moments, more awkward. the fact we have the same sense of humour. the fact we call each others parents our own. the fact we like the same things. the fact when we have an argument, we both end up on the ground in tears of laughter. the fact we get drunk together and we are even funnier together. the fact you are my best friend and i am yours.

everyones changes.

you're rude. you're negative. you lie. you are filthy. you're a thief. you lead more than one guy on at a time, for comfort to get over him. you bitch about your few mates behind their backs, when you should learn that you are running low on them. you have a huge go at your mates when you're drunk, saying the truth and expect them to forgive you in the morning, using the excuse "i was drunk." you blame everything on me. you annoy me because you think its funny. you get mad for sticking up for my mates. you hate it when i hang out with other people. you expect me not to go back and tell my best friend what you say about her and get mad if you find out. you think you know everything about fashion because you work at a well known retailer, and tell everyone they look bad. you fall in love with people you have never met. you say you're going to change, you say you're going to stop being so negative. but that isn't the only reason you have no friends. this friendship is nothing anymore, your reputation is close to rubbing off onto me. don't think about texting me or contacting me in anyway, because this time. i want nothing to do with you and i hope you learn from what you've done and realise why no body likes you anymore.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

your eyes remind me of the ocean.

a while ago, before any of this pain struck. i chose to do the ocean for my theme for photography. when ever i see the ocean, it reminds me of you. but, i don't care. i'm still doing the ocean, because you did make me happy.

boy, what have you done.

i cryed for the first time last night. the first time i've cryed about what you have done. do you ever stop and think what you have done?

i didn't deserve this.

the things you said to me, is what you say to her. the fact you can just walk away like nothing happened between me and you and then ignore me for two weeks is sick. what makes it worse is during those two weeks, you replaced me with her.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

tonight, im sad.

she told me you like her and that she likes you too. i know exactly what you would say to her and exactly how you are making her feel. the worst part is, you lied when i asked you if you two had a thing. the worser part is, she told me before you did.

i miss you.

i miss staying at your house, i miss staying up until five oclock in the morning talking, i miss playing xbox with you, i miss getting high with you, i miss playing with dead birds while we are supose to be burying it, i miss making recordings, i miss liking the same things, i miss tackling people onto the staircases, i miss taking photos, i miss you looking after me while im sick, i miss chasing each other when we are both fucked off our faces, i miss watching fucked up videos with you, i miss walking the streets with you, i miss waking you up early hours of the morning because i was scared, i miss drawing funny pictures of each other, i miss finding secret places, i miss the waterfall we would take our toy soldiers for a swim in and photo shoots, i miss the night we got completely fucked, i miss our sayings, i miss taking the piss, i miss laughing at nothing, i miss agreeing to every insult we were given, i miss the weekend we went away, i miss being your best friend. most of all, i miss you.