Saturday, November 13, 2010

please don't let me go - olly murs. (this reminds me of you.)

where do I begin? should i tell you how bad i need you now? you're underneath my skin. but i'm confused. my head is spinning all around. i've waited so long, i need to know. darling what is on your mind, normally i try to run and i might even want to hide, because i never knew what i wanted until i looked into your eyes. so am i in this alone? what i'm looking for is a sign, that you feel how i feel for you. baby please don't let me go.

i miss who i thought you were.

i was looking at the photo's of the night we met, when you introduced you to your family straight away, showed me around your house and property. the night we had our first kiss. we were both really drunk and we really liked each other and then when we ended up together, the day we made it official, you fucked your ex. i forgave you, because you just ended it with her and i didn't think much of it because we only just started having a 'thing.' the next week, you were with her, and that day? she showed me texts what you sent her the day before. that you still loved her, and you miss her. once again, i forgave you. you did more things during the weeks we were together. you ended it before i could. you fucked me over so bad. but, yet, i miss you like crazy. i miss who i thought you were.

Friday, November 12, 2010

my best friend?

do you remember when your ex stole you away from me. i never saw you, it was never me and you. we forgot what it was like to be friends, what we used to do. we forgot what each other looked like once. we were tight, so fucking tight it was crazy. i tell you everything, you know i do. do you remember when you chose him over me? do you remember how long we weren't back to normal for? i do. and i remember when you left me, for him. and when he fucked you over and he treated you like shit, you came back, hoping i'd be your home again. do you remember my reaction? i wrote about it while it was happening, i showed you what i had written and you cried. you told me you miss me and we were back to normal. we were happy for ages, you and i, me and you. that's all it was. having the times of our fucking lives. it was great finally having you back. now? you're with someone else. who makes you incredibly happy, i think he's great and i trust him too. we are the three amegos and i love it. but, it's starting all over again and i don't want it too. please, don't leave me astray. not again. i love you so fucking much.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

i was wrong.

do you remember getting a text from me atleast once a week telling you how much you meant to me? that i loved you? that you were the only person i wanted? do you remember doing everything possible with me? i do. i remember sharing all of me with you. i remember letting myself be used by you, i'd drown in your flowery words. you would say the right thing always to make me fall a little more for you every time. you'd keep me on the side line, when no girl would give you what you wanted, you knew i'd be there every single time. you came back every time. but at the time? i didn't know what you were doing, i thought you felt the same. but i was stupid. so wrong, so thoughtless. every thing you did, and are doing, i've realised. not now though, i realised ages ago, i didn't let it get to me, because you were my everything. but now? i cannot see myself forgiving you for what you've done. you've fucked me over for the last time and least do you know, what happened when i stayed last time, was the last of me you'll ever get. i'll fucking miss you. but i'll never fucking forgive you. i never loved you, i just thought i did.

tiffany fucking heyworth.

everything you do, makes my day. everything you say, takes me breath away. there is nothing or nobody who could ever replace who you are, and always have been. my good friend, my sister, my other half. i love you to the stars and back. i couldn't picture my life without you. you're a huge part of me now and always will be. i love you tiffany. my mother fuckin' amazing sister.

Monday, November 8, 2010

live without me.

we touch, i feel a rush. frozen as snow, i show no emotion what'so ever. it's like an explosion every time you hold me. i wasn't joking when i told you - you take my breath away, you're a supernova. i'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon, and i'm aiming right at you. i'll do whatever it takes, when i'm with you, i get the shakes. my body aches when i'm not with you, i have zero strength. there's no limit on how far  i would go, no boundaries, no lengths. but so much is at stake, what does it take, let's cut to the chase before the door shuts in your face. promise me if i cave in and break, and leave myself open that i won't be making a mistake. so after three years and nine months, you give up on me. i love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once. i poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to god, i'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms. drop to my knees and i'm pleading, i'm trying to stop you from leaving. i can't let you walk out on me and let you live. i'd drop everything, with tears streaming down my face and i would say.. i would've did anything for you to show you how much i adored you, but it's over now, just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star, my fallen angel.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

this is it.

you've convinced yourself that i don't care. which probably means you've forgotten everything i've done for you. from going for walks so you could think and when the world isn't treating you right at the moment, to buying you unexpected gifts on special occasions. now, i know for a fact i don't mean as much to you, than you do to me. but, that doesn't count. you count, everything that we've done or said counts. it's been a fortnight and a bit now and i am starting to worry. i hate not knowing how you are, i hate the thought of being without you. some people say it's for the good, that i don't deserve the pathetic shit you put me through, which is true, but i am still here today right? this isn't as close to how much i care about you. in fact, i can't put it into words. you mean the world to me and i've showed you a billion times. how can you sit there and say to yourself that i don't care. i care about you, like your family does. i hope you're okay. i give up on trying to keep in contact with you, so i'm going to give you space. it's hard when nobody picks up the phone and when i don't get a text back from you. it's almost like you're gone, like you don't exist. please be okay, i am here for you. you know that i always will be.

venus and mars.

"he said you don't care about him." "you're joking, right?" "no, that's what he said." "he thinks i don't care? who the fuck walked all the way to his house on valentines day to give him a card and a proffesionally made cupcake that was fucking expensive with the first letter of his name on it. who went out of their way on a school night, to hang out with him and write him a huge letter for his birthday? who the fuck brought him things and told him not to pay them back because he was worth it. who the fuck fell in love with him when he didn't back?"

Friday, November 5, 2010

fuck fuck fuck.

there isn't much i can do anymore, a part of me is missing and you know exactly what it is and how to full it up. i have zero strength when i wake up, you're in my dreams every night and i can't get you out of my head. i can't take this anymore. being without you is so fucking rediculously hard.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

"are you okay?"

i don't know what to say. you were one of my greatest friends once, and you were fucking amazing. i remember you saying you would never, ever date or have a thing with your friends ex's. i never knew you meant "i actually am going to have a thing with him, and make sure we aren't friends before so it isn't that bad." i also remember you saying that he would hurt me, you told me over and over. well, this is me telling you. good luck. i hope our friendship was worth it. you of all people i never would have thought would make me feel as empty as i do. if you get hurt, don't come running back to me.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

it's hard letting go of something you once cared so much for.

i can't put into words how you made/make me feel. i will always remember you for doing everything with me. and i know you won't remember me and that breaks my heart. i don't know what life could be, would be without you. i guess it's time to start trying. because the more it drags on, the harder it's going to get. fuck, i'm going to miss you like fucking crazy. (i already do.)

Monday, November 1, 2010

"i am missing a part of me."

so, i am shocked and hurt by your recent actions. still, in the end? you gave me more than you took away. i love you, always okay?

young, tired, flaky.

i am excited about you.