Saturday, August 7, 2010
i can't explain this feeling.
i lost respect for the last person i could trust. the fact you could stare into my eyes and tell me you felt the same, and took it back the next day. the fact you promised me you would never ever hurt me, in anyway possible. the fact you can ignore me two weeks straight and then one day decide were still close. i can't get the image of the text you sent me once, saying feeling like this could ruin a lot, meaning our friendship. you didn't want to risk losing me, which i thought was sweet. but, after all of those messages i sent you, telling you how happy you made me, you blew it up in my face. i text you yesterday saying i have lost all respect for you, and that i could never trust you or anybody again. you text me back and said i was annoying. this is when it hit me. you are just another guy, well of course you were. you were all along, i only knew one side of you. i have deleted and burnt every thing that reminds me of you. during the last couple of weeks, trying to get over the fact that you aren't you anymore. i changed, my thoughts, my ways and i took comfort in the thought of not having anything to do with you anymore. i don't drink and haven't drunk alcohol to the extent of getting off my face to forget about you. i don't talk about my mates behind their backs, and if some one were to put any one of them down, i would stand up for them and have their back, i wouldn't sit there and take it like most people do, or go along with it. i genuinely care about the people i love, and i care about myself now, i used to think i was worthless and mad all the time, i used to think that i couldn't do anything. my group of friends are breaking apart, and i'm the only one who is trying to fix it. i was told not to worry anymore, that it was just a waste of time. but, yet, i'm still fighting for all of us. i don't and can't hate or dislike anybody anymore, when people dislike or hate me, i will find a way to fix it or i will just leave them. i take care of my friends when they are sick. i don't feel like i have to impress anybody anymore. the best part of feeling like this, is that i have me back and that's all i ever wanted. i have changed, for the good and i can be proud of myself for the first time in a long time.