Friday, October 29, 2010
i fucking hate myself for loving you. this feeling will never go away and that makes me so fucking mad. i did everything for you, i went out of my way and canceled plans for you. i would wake up at any time of the night or morning for you, make you things on special public holidays, i tried to prove myself to you for so fucking long and you still don't get it. you fucking used me so much, but i loved you. yes, LOVED. i fucking loved you. i don't love you anymore, but apart of my heart always will. because you were my first fucking everything. the last thing you said to me was 'you can trust me.' i cant trust you! i will never trust you again, i will never fall for your flower talk again. it's not fair, you're not fair. i fucking miss you and i fucking wish things could be better. but you have clearly made your decision. you can ignore me all you want now, because i won't be here to ignore anymore. you're fucking amazing, and i can't make up my mind. why did you, why are you doing this to me! i'll miss you. this is good bye. i don't see the good in it though. maybe, this will change me. meeting you changed me. i wonder if saying good bye can too.